making of an indian movie…

India makes largest number of movies in the world. read how they are made.

1. Select the star cast – find out which stars are free at this time and willing to work in the movie, make a list and ask for there favorite hollywood movie, ask if they would like to work in its indian version, if they say they want something original it means they have left the selection of movie to be ripped on you. Indian audience don`t care about the story if there fave star is there in the movie.

2. Go to DVD Library – this is the most important step of making a movie,  rent  a Hollywood flick or some Korean action movie (if budget is tight),  the movie you select  will determine the budget & your target audience,  go home & watch the movie 20-25 times so it starts to feel like your own creation , check out for glitches we don`t want to repeat them, its ok if u don`t understand it much because its not ur job that`s what writers are for, get one.

3. Selecting a writer – the job of this writer is to write the script of this movie ‘ again ‘ in your own language so that u can understand it & make  into a indian movie, so if a writer knows many languages (polyglot) he is a very valuable just imagine we can rip any movie of any language known by him, it can open a treasure trove of versatility, now the writer may suggest you some of his ‘original’ creation but don`t fall for that unless a movie is already made on it if that’s the case demand the DVD.

4. The script – give final touches to the script,  do sex changes of supporting cast, change locations according to the budget & tear out random pages from the script so people who have already seen the Hollywood movie can`t  make connections of it being copied & copyright infringements lawsuits can be avoided when releasing the movie abroad from where the original movie belongs. Don`t forget to add something which remotely hurts a religious minority or defames a religious ritual. remember u are under no moral obligation to make anything which even remotely makes sense this is called cinematic freedom.
5. Inject songs – songs are lifeblood of the movie, songs should be inserted at proper places where the script is missing pages, songs should be written by a seasoned veteran so that no one can understand them while they listen to them first time though use a catchy tune from some Buddha bar album, this will trick the people in buying the CDs of the songs. if the songs are not making sense for example appearance of lots of indians in middle of sahara desert don`t panic use it in dream sequence. even if the film is entirely based in india & its characters are from modest background move them to some exotic foreign spot for the picturization of song this is creativity.

6. Publicity stunts – now our movie is complete & we want some free publicity we are intelligent enough to add something which remotely hurts a religious minority or defames a religious ritual or anything which stirs violent public reaction, if u have played ur cards right the violent outbreak already started & getting u lots of publicity through 24 hour news channels, you can also consult a news channel about what`s hot and can make news, add that to your movie modestly. try to get the movie banned for a while before release by help of your contacts, everyone loves and wants what is banned.

7. Declare the movie successful – hire critics in broadsheet papers to declare the movie a master piece while u declare it successful in every chance you get it doesn`t matters if its released only 3 days ago.